If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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