I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
