I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
