good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
