remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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