i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She needs sedatives and a leash
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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