Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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