if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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