apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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