Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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