I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
