either way he was missing a nipple.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
