I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My pussy is not your playground.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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