....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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