hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
