Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
