I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
