he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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