Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
