The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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