I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You're like the curious george of whores
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
