I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
