I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
