Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
