i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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