He had one of those small greek statue penises
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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