Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dear god my vagina.
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