I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
