it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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