I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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