He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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