I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.