Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.

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(914): View more from New York

Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.

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(315): View more from New York

3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(408): View more from California

I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina

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(731): View more from Tennessee

I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye

(203): View more from Connecticut

Oh.

(203): View more from Connecticut

You came to the right person.

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