bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.