If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
