broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
