I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
