have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
