the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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