I molested 6 butterflies tonight
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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