that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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