Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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