I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
