Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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