I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
