Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
