I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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