I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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