She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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