This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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