HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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