I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
