That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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