Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
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Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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