Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
