I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
