The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
