There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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