Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
