When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize